Sisyphusian torment?

In Greek mythology Sisyphus was condemned by the Gods to spend all eternity pushing a boulder to the top of a hill, only to see it roll back down again for him to start his task again. Now I can't claim that we have been suffering to that degree, but when Oliver refuses both to eat and to sleep and is consequently less than happy in himself, life starts to feel like some sort of punishment. Hayley puts a lot of time and effort into making him nice home-made food and it can be very demoralising to have to pour much of it into the bin uneaten and then start again with the same probable outcome.

On Friday Oliver decided that all he would eat was yoghurt. One yoghurt in fact. All other meals - lovingly home-made by Hayley - were refused. (His bottles were accepted, thankfully.) As a consequence he went to his bath hungry, having whinged from dinner-time to bath-time, then spent most of his bath very uncharacteristically complaining. Finally he was satisfied when he got out of the bath and had his bedtime bottle.

Surprisingly after a day with next to no food Oliver then slept really well! So I've decided to do my best not to worry when he goes off his food for a day. (Easier said than done!)

One of our Health Visitors (Geraldine) came round the other day and suggested that the fact Oliver has his dummy sometime during the day but not at night might be contributing to his sleep problems. This makes sense (even though offering him his dummy in the night doesn't necessarily appease him) so for the last 4 days we've not been giving him his dummy to nap in the daytime. He's complained a bit but thankfully he still goes off to sleep very quickly. He just has the same comforters as he does in the night: Julien and his blanket. He's even had a couple of long (2 hour) sleeps which is very good (as it should help him sleep at night too).

His night-time sleep is still a bit hit and miss but on Saturday night he did effectively sleep through: he made a few cries in the night but none of them more than a few seconds and we didn't have to go into him. If he could do this consistently it would be a great breakthrough.

One night last week he slept for a good 5 hours without waking me at all. As a result of this relatively long spell of unbroken sleep I was able to get up at 6am and go to work for 7am. I remember the days before Oliver when 5 hours would sound like torture!

Having painted a picture of suffering, we've just had a long (Bank Holiday) weekend - much of it spent de-cluttering the house and travelling back and forth to the tip - but the whole weekend has been filled with Oliver's happy smiles and laughter. He has eaten pretty well each day and apart from waking once for a spell last night he has slept well too. We are still struggling to find exactly why he wakes and cries sometimes (as he has done once while I type this!), but hopefully we are slowly moving in the right direction.

News from the front

Too little time and too little sleep for a proper blog entry. Here's the news headlines.

Oliver is waking us up about 6 times a night. Sometimes even more. Even if we don't have to go to him he sometimes cries so loudly for a brief moment that he wakes us. Things got so bad yesterday that in the morning Hayley openly doubted whether we should try for a second child!

Oliver loves taking my glasses off my face at the moment. In fact anybody's face. I have started to wear contact lenses more often as my glasses were in danger of being seriously mangled.

We've re-decorated the interior of the house and cut down the big tree in the front garden. The result is a brighter living room which Oliver will appreciate.

Cat saves baby's life

Oddly Enough News Article | Reuters.co.uk

"BERLIN (Reuters) - A cat saved the life of a newborn baby abandoned on the doorstep of a Cologne house in the middle of the night by meowing loudly until someone woke up, a police spokesman said on Saturday.
'The cat is a hero,' Cologne police spokesman Uwe Beier said. 'Its loud meowing got the attention of the homeowner and saved the baby from suffering life-threatening hypothermia. The homeowner opened door to see why the cat was making so much noise and discovered the newborn.'
Beier said the boy was taken to hospital at 5 a.m. on Thursday, when overnight temperatures fell towards zero, and had suffered only mild hypothermia. He said there was no indication of what happened to the boy's mother."

My day (by Oliver Townley, aged 7 months)

6-7am
Sometimes I wake early and make a few grumbly noises, but then I fall asleep again. Mummy and Daddy know not to get me up if I sound like I'm in a bad mood and haven't had enough sleep.

7-8am
I wake up and find something to play with. Sometimes Gerry the Giraffe is around and Julien is always glad to play when I wake up. If I'm feeling mischievous I kick the little projector that is attached to the side of my cot. It makes a loud clunk!

Once I am awake and Mummy and Daddy can hear me playing on the monitor they come in and say Good Morning to me.

After Mummy and Daddy come in they give me a cuddle in my cot. Then they wind up my Winnie the Pooh mobile which I love. I watch it while Mummy gets my clothes together. Then Mummy gets me up and puts me on the changing mat to change my nappy. Sometimes I let her change me into my clothes for the day but if I am hungry I complain so that she just changes my nappy and takes me downstairs.

8am
Breakfast. My favourite is half a Weetabix with whole pasteurised milk. Mummy can't spoon it in fast enough. Then I have my bottle (9.5 ounces of Aptamil 2).

After breakfast and my bottle I wave to my Daddy as he goes off to work on his bike. (Note to self: must ask Daddy to get me the Baby Specialzed catalogue.) Then I like to play for a while.

10am
Once I've been up for about 2-3 hours I'm ready for a wee nap for perhaps half an hour. Mummy gives me my favourite blanket and I have a nap.

Sometimes Mummy and I go out to "Baby Talk" or "Rhythm and Rhyme" for the morning. In that case I nap in the car or pram.

12pm
Mummy gives me lunch around noon. It's 2 courses, often something home-made but if we are out and about - at Room 311 with the other Mums or example - it might be something from a jar.

After lunch I have a longer nap. Mummy likes me to nap for at least an hour so that I sleep better at night. It's odd but the better I sleep in the day, the better I seem to sleep at night.

Mummy often takes me for a walk in my buggy. "Pramming out" is what Mummy calls it. We might go to the park to feed the ducks, or to visit one of my girlfriends. I have lots of girlfriends.

2-3pm
Time for another bottle. Usually I'm out and about when I have this one so I drink it straight and cold.

5pm
Dinner time. Two courses again and often this means yoghurt for dessert. I love yoghurts! If I can possibly manage it I wait til Mummy isn't looking and stick my hand in the pot. But Mummy doesn't seem to mind.

5-7pm
Play time. Daddy comes home and he plays with me for a while. I always give him a big smile when he comes home and he is always excited to see me.

7-7.30pm
Bath-time. I love my baths. I think I may ask for a water-bed when I can speak because I even fall asleep in the jaccuzzi at the swimming baths. Mummy or Daddy usually have a bath with me. I have ducks and toys and I splash about and have great fun. Some of the time I just lie back in the water and look up at Mummy/Daddy. They seem to think this is cute.

7.30pm-8pm
After my bath I have my last bottle, usually with Mummy, sitting on the sofa in my room. The lights are turned down low and I cuddle Julien. Finally Mummy puts me in my sleeping bag, kisses me goodnight and puts me and Juien into our cot. I cuddle Julien and go off to sleep.

Then Mummy and Daddy creep off downstairs... to talk about how adorable I have been today.

My first...

...Kisses!
Hayley got her first proper kisses from Oliver yesterday. He'd been doing something similar before but yesterday he definitely knew what he was doing. When she said "Kisses!" he leaned forward and put his mouth to hers. He tends to open his mouth, lean forward and quite often dribble, so it's quite a sloppy kiss!

...Game of Peekaboo!
I have seen Oliver play peekaboo with Hayley very briefly but today he played it with me for the first time. He lay on the sofa and kept pulling his favourite blanket over his face and then pulling it away again for me to see him. It was lovely to see. Our first game! Hayley managed to capture it on video.

Toast

Oliver loves to suck a nice piece of toast. If he gets grizzly and all else fails to calm him I can be pretty sure that a nice piece of toast will keep him happy. I sometimes end up having to hook a large piece out of his mouth before he tries to swallow it, but most of the time he just sucks it then drops it in favour of a new piece. Or preferably my piece.

So when we went round to our local sandwich bar for breakfast this morning Hayley and I enjoyed egg and mushroom sandwiches while Oliver contented himself with a nice piece of toast.

The Perils of Nursery Rhymes

Fire! Plague! Death!

Not the latest front-page story in tabloid newspaper but the alleged origins of a well-known children's nursery rhyme. It is noticeable how macabre many nursery rhymes and childrens songs are, but it doesn't seem to bother kids. Only this morning Hayley was singing to Oliver about the old woman who swallowed a fly: "perhaps she'll die" was its conclusion, an image almost certainly more disturbing to his parents than to the little man himself.

I'm inclined to think that bombarding our children with all these gruesome thoughts and images really has no ill effects and is just part of growing up. After all, it doesn't seem to have harmed any of us, has it?

But there is still a more practical danger from nursery rhymes and songs that we sing to our children. Yesterday Hayley went shopping alone to our local supermarket. As she walked down the freezer aisle she realised she was singing aloud the song she had been singing to Oliver to make him laugh all afternoon:
"I'm a dingle dangle scarecrow
With a flippy floppy hat,
I can shake my hands like this,
I can shake my feet like that."
She noticed she was drawing a somewhat amused look from a fellow shopper. "I sing it to my son", she appealed, embarrassed, before making her way quickly to the checkout.

Fun with food

Oliver loves finger food. He also loves to eat whatever I am eating! So when I make myself a piece of toast I have to donate some of it to the little man.

He still has good days and bad days when it comes to eating, but it seems to help when one of us is sitting at the table with him eating something too. So most mornings I have been eating a bowl of cereal at the table with him while Hayley feeds him Weetabix.

He now manages to hold his drinking cup to drink water during his meal, but often he will just leave it to us to hold it for him: "why have a dog and bark yourself" seems to be the sentiment!

Last night Hayley cooked Oliver and I an elaborate fish supper: Plaice in a vine tomato salsa with creamy mashed potatoes and peas! Mine looked fit for king. Oliver's was pureed. I ate all of mine and Oliver ate three servings of his! Sadly not every mealtime is this successful, but with a little patience he seems to be improving. He has also slept better for two of the last three nights, so hopefully his improved eating will go hand in hand with improved sleeping... for all three of us!

Sarah's birthday

Steve, Oliver (hidden!), Tony, Amber (in buggy!), Sarah

We went out for lunch and a stroll around Dunham Massey Deer Park on Saturday afternoon with our friends Tony, Sarah (who was celebrating her birthday) and their 7 month old daughter Amber.

Oliver, Steve, Hayley

Despite terrible traffic which made us so late we missed the proper lunchtime menu, we got there in time to dine on sandwiches, cakes and scones while the babies played with blocks, sucked on finger food and drank their bottles. There is a special area set aside for families which is nice for everyone!

After lunch we took a stroll around the deer park, Amber in her buggy (with occasional carrying for a better view and a cuddle) and Oliver in his baby carrier. The deer in the park must be very used to having people around as a large herd(?) of them of all ages crossed our path at one point.

Deer in the park

The afternoon flew by and by the end of it Oliver was asleep in his carrier. But all that fresh air must have done him some good as he slept until 6.30am that night before waking in need of his dummy. What a shame that a long stroll in a deer park isn't really practical for every afternoon.

Oliver, snoozing

Battling on all fronts

I don't like to use a military analogy, but frankly I have sometimes felt like I am in a battle recently!

Yesterday I took the afternoon off to join Hayley when she went to have Oliver weighed (19 lbs 6 ozs) and to talk to the Health Visitor. The topic for conversation? Sleep!

Oliver is waking often in the night. He hasn't slept through more than a couple of times and they were a couple of months ago now. So we are getting rather desperate for a solution as it is taking its toll on us and (more importantly) the longer this behaviour goes on the harder it could be to change.

We discussed controlled crying with her (which we have never been keen on) but interestingly we ended up spending more time talking about his sleeping habits during the day and also about his eating habits.

Ah yes, Eating! Life isn't easy on that front either. He will eat yoghurts until the cows come home but many other foods are rejected. This is bad news as he needs to eat enough to be able to sleep all night.

The other aspect to his refusing to eat is that it is terribly demoralising for Hayley. This afternoon she spent the best part of 40 minutes making him fresh food: a main course and a dessert. He ate three mouthfuls of the main course before crying, fighting, complaining and refusing to eat any more. The dessert was no better. Poor Hayley looked crest fallen.

So what is our plan?

We need to try to get Oliver to sleep longer in the afternoon: 1 - 2 hours instead of the 20-30 minutes power naps he is taking. Apparently the better babies sleep during the day, the better they sleep at night. We also need to get him to eat three meals a day, at least two of which should have a two courses. (He is also still drinking 3 bottles of milk a day: the last one often being about 12 ounces.) Once we get to that stage we can be sure he is eating and sleeping enough during the day to get through the night and we intend to try the controlled crying if necessary at that point.

The reason I've come round more to the idea of controlled crying was down to the health visitor's explanation of why it is important. I'd been worrying about the mixed signals we were sending by loving and attending to Oliver during the day and then apparently rejecting and abandoning him at night. She pointed out to me that accepting this night-time separation is exactly what we need to teach Oliver. Going to sleep by himself - including getting himself back to sleep when he surfaces from his slumbers in the night - is a skill that he has to learn. If we don't let him learn to do this we are not only making life hard for ourselves, we are denying him an essential ability for his life ahead. And it's not as if we are going to shut the door at 7.30pm and walk away for 12 hours. If he cries we will go to him, but only within the parameters allowed by the controlled crying technique. (After all, it wouldn't be controlled would it if we just left him to it!)

Having said that we have come round to the idea of controlled crying, I am still not entirely clear on how to carry it out, so a bit more readinbg is required. It's easy to describe in simple terms, but it's the fine details that are harder to pin down when you come to try it.

Of course, there are still lots of times when Oliver is happy and life is not all slog. But the hard times will be so much less hard when we can persuade the little man to sleep and eat a little more!

Have carrier, will travel!

Hayley tries out Oliver's new carrier for the first time.

Oliver loves his new Bush Baby child carrier. So far he hasn't been further than the swings in our local park (about 150 yards away), but we plan to take him up Rivington Pike this Easter. He travelled up their last year as "Bump" when we saw someone with a baby in a carrier at the top of the hill, so we have been looking forward to taking him ever since.

His next trip will probably be a 25 minute walk up to Thge Orangery tomorrow to meet Sarah who will be celebrating her birthday.

Oliver takes his first outdoor trip in his carrier to the swings near our house.

Laurel Brown

A friend at work is riding the length of Great Britain next month, from Land's End to John O' Groats, in memory of his daughter who died of SUDEP (Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy) last October.

He is aiming to raise enough money to purchase a portable 24-hour EEG monitor that will help in the early diagnosis of children with difficult/complex epilepsy without the need to hospitalise them.

You can read more about his ride and how to support it here.

A week is a long time...

They say a week is a long time in politics. How very short it is compared to a week in the life of a 6 month old baby. Oliver was away less than 6 days but even in that short time I noticed changes.

Apart from the obvious teething, while he was away he developed a habit of bouncing up and down on his bottom while chatting away excitedly. And on his first day back I swear he seemed to exhibit some facial expressions I hadn't seen before.

When he first came home he didn't give me his big smile and get excited, he sat in my arms looking at me for a long, long time as if trying to remember who I was. Eventually it seemed to click and he was his usual self, but it made me realise that a week really is a long time for him.

BBC NEWS | Health | Early babies dubbed bed blockers

BBC NEWS | Health | Early babies dubbed bed blockers

Mothering Sunday - a happy end to a mixed week

Today has been Mothering Sunday. Hayley had a little lie-in (with Oliver!). When she got up I helped Oliver give his card and presents to his Mummy, then Hayley and Oliver went to church while I stayed home and did a few jobs.

Afterwards we all went for a coffee (well, Oliver had his milk) and then lunch at the Heaton's Tandoori. It's the first time we've been there for a sit-down meal since before Oliver was born. The last time we went Hayley ate the spiciest offering on the menu in an attempt to encourage her "bump" to emerge into the world. Today she ordered the same house speciality but this time just for her dining pleasure.



It also gave us a chance to let Oliver try a piece of poppadum (pictured above) and also a mango lassi drink (pictured below). He sucked then played with the poppadum, but he loved the lassi drink. This didn't susprise us as he loves yoghurts. In fact some days that's the only "solid" food he will eat. That's been a slight cause for concern, but other days (including today) he will eat well, so we are trying to be patient and not fret too much about it, not least as we don't want to transmit our anxiety to him.



Today was a very enjoyable end to what has been a mixed week. Hayley took Oliver down to Wiltshire for a few days this week to visit family and friends, but this was partially prompted by the fact I was ill again. Thankfully I'm recovered now but it wasn't much fun being parted from them let alone being "under the weather" to boot.

But the real bad news came from Hayley's work, where there are going to be redundancies. It looks like about 25% of the workforce in her area will be put "at risk" in the next couple of weeks. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of our childcare decisions, being under threat of redundancy is never a welcome experience. All we can do for now is wait and see what happens. This comes almost precisely a year after my own company underwent a restructuring and several colleagues in my own department were made redundant. Job insecurity seems to be an unavoidable symptom of
the so-called "competitive" British economy.

Oliver is shaking off a sniffly cold. Bless him, he has been coughing in the night, but then goes straight back to sleep most of the time, even though we can hear on the baby monitor that he is quite "snotty".

He does seem to have started to wake and need his dummy a bit earlier recently. From as early as 4.30am (or even 3.30am this morning) he can be wide awake and need his dummy to go back to sleep. Then he may drop it several times and not find it for himself, resulting in one of us making several trips to his room. Eventually he seems to go off for a good spell, but often by this point I am wide awake and unable to get back to sleep myself. If we can just crack this sleep business life will be so much easier as I really enjoy my time with him when I've had just a few hours uninterrupted sleep. Without it I have to admit I struggle, unlike Hayley who miraculously manages to keep going! Although, even she had to succumb to a slight cold this week when she got back from Wiltshire.

The clocks went forward last night, so it's time I got back on my bike to commute to work. Here's hoping for a healthy summer!