The second half kicks off

As I type I'm watching Lyon and PSV Eindhoven take penalties in the Champion's League at the end of extra time. In terms of the pregnancy week 20 has just ended so the second half has just kicked off. Let's hope there's no need for extra time in our game!

In the interests off keeping things on track, last night we went to an "early" ante-natal class. It was lead by a physiotherapist and focused on posture and exercises for the mother-to-be. There were lots of exercises for the abdominal muscles and the pelvic floor. The overwhelming message seemed to be "keep doing those pelvic floor exercises ladies, they are dull but essential". They passed around a model of the pelvic region which was useful to me as I know frightfully little about human anatomy beyond a few key muscle groups and how to stretch them.

Hayley has had a few problems with back pain and also some tingling in the top of the legs. To her horror the physiotherapist said this is a condition often found in fat old men! But in this case it is due to the extra weight gained during pregnancy. She explained that during pregnancy the woman will gain more weight in fat than through the weight of the baby itself. The there was then a long list of other things adding weight: amniotic fluid, the placenta, increased blood volume, increased breast volume, etc. The total came to about 2 to 3 stone but can be more.

One woman there also commented that with her first child she lost almost all the weight in a few weeks and attributed this to breast feeding. Is there no end to the wonders it can do!

The men who attended were not spared. We had to roll up our shirts for our posture and muscles to be scrutinized by the group. To my immense satisfaction (and not a little bewilderment) the physiotherapist said I had a very balanced physique with good abdominal muscles and asked whether I do a lot of sport! Thankfully Hayley managed to keep a straight face when answering in the affirmative. Bless her.

Second scan (20 weeks)

Second scan (20 weeks)
Originally uploaded by Steven Townley.

This is the only picture we got from the second ultrasound scan. (Unfortunately when we asked for two pictures our sonographer seemed to think we wanted to pay twice for two prints of the same thing!)

There's not much more to see here than the first scan. The baby is bigger obviously! And you can make out an arm. In the room we saw hands, fingers, lots of kicking and punching...!

The sonographer confirmed that the baby is developing as expected and that there are no visible problems or "soft markers" which is exactly what we were hoping to hear.

Look (s)he's waving!

Throughout the eight weeks since the first ultrasound scan we have debated whether to find out the sex of the baby at the second scan. About a week ago I joked with Hayley "we'll still be deciding whether or not to find out what sex it is when we are driving to the hospital." Sure enough, as we drove through Stockport this morning towards Stepping Hill we were still weighing up the pros and cons.

You may think this sounds like terrible dithering (and you'd probably be right), but in our defence we started out with every intention of finding out the sex of the baby. That was before we came across so many people who told us we shouldn't find out that we were swayed. We had to admit that we had few reasons for wanting to know beyond our excitement. There was also an element of feeling like we would "know" the baby better if we knew its gender, but at the same time Hayley had already grown attached to talking to "bump".

"Not knowing will help you through the last month and the last stages of labour" was the comment of one of Hayley's friends. And we felt no preference for either a boy or a girl, so maybe in that situation it's right not to find out?

Today at the ultrasound scan we didn't specifically ask to know the sex of the baby. Neither did the sonographer ask us whether we wanted to know. Throughout the scan I must confess that I found myself trying to spot meaningful blips on the screen. But our baby was determinedly lying with legs tucked up in front. This made taking some of the measurements difficult, so Hayley was dismissed for 5 minutes to "walk briskly" in the hope that the fetus would turn over. Sure enough when we returned the baby had turned through 180 degrees and there was an improved view. Well, there was an improved view for the sonographer but for the layman it was still all rather cloudy.

All the checks were finally performed. She was able to tell us that the baby is developing at the expected rate and that there were no "soft markers" that might indicate any sort of irregularity. The baby wriggled and squirmed occasionally. And from time to time we were able to see both hands and all the fingers on them. There was a moment when the baby seemed to wave his hand at us much to our amusement, before wriggling into another position that frustrated the sonographer.

After the scan we sat in the waiting room and compared notes. It quickly became apparent that from the mass of swirling lines on the screen we had both drawn the same tentative conclusion: it's a girl! But as this was based on our very sketchy understanding of what we were seeing, we decided to ask the sonographer so as not to leave with a false impression. "Well, she said "I wasn't really concentrating on that aspect. If you'd asked I could have looked....". I had my suspicions that she was dodging the question. She had spent ages looking around to measure the various parts of the baby and I found it hard to believe she didn't even have an inkling as to the gender. But then again we didn't ask so maybe she was telling the truth. And if she hadn't noticed, the chances were that we had been chasing shadows.

So we finished the day in the same boat as we started it. But with the added knowledge that we are still on course.

Another day, another day-care

Today we visited "Wind In The Willows" nursery. This is a SureStart nursery which is fairly new so it doesn't have many kids yet. It was fairly quiet while we were there so one or both of us will be going back when it's busier, but overall we were impressed with it. It's hard to judge very much from a visit but the person in charge certainly made the right first impression.

Lullaby

I've written songs since I was about 16 years old. Unsurprisingly then one of the things I've always said I would do when I had a child would be to write a lullaby for him/her.

A few nights ago as I drove home from the tip, listening to The Archers on Radio 4, a simple melody came to mind. When I got home I picked up the guitar and worked out some chords to support it. By the end of the evening I had a couple of simple verses and a few days after that I added a little middle 8 instrumental section.

It's a shame that I don't have my PC and keyboard set up to record at the moment as it would be nice to record it properly and see if I can make it sound in reality as it does in my head.

Anyway, I'm really quite chuffed to have written this little ditty. It's rather twee as songs go but I think that's how a lullaby should be! I know it's a wildly romantic thing to want to do but I'd love to be able to sing it to our baby after it's born. And if our little darling don't scream the house down in response that will be nice too.

Ch ch ch ch changes

1. "I don't care if I never buy another mountain bike, we have to get them."

These were the admittedly slightly rash words I uttered in Mothercare when my growing enthusiasm for all things infant started to run out of control. We had just test driven our chosen buggy and now I was admiring a mobile to hang above the baby's bed that featured the original Winnie The Pooh characters based on E.H Shepard's illustrations in A.A. Milne's book (rather than the Disney versions). I have a feeling this outburst could come back to haunt me!

2. Quickening!

Back in week 16 or 17, Hayley was lying in the bath one evening when she suddenly "felt something". This was the first time she thought she might have detected movement. Week 17 is very early, especially for a first-time mother (unless it's twins) so we decided it might have just been a grumbling tummy. But the same feelings grew stronger. "Like bubbles" was her best description. A few evenings ago she suddenly let out an exclamatory sort of "woah!" This time the feeling was closer to someone drumming inside her. She had no doubt this time that she was feeling the baby move. Unfortunately it's too early for me to be able to put my hand on her belly and feel it too. A few weeks more before that happens.

3. Sometimes a question isn't really a question at all.

This can also be explained as "the pregnant woman always gets her way".
Hayley: "Shall we have X or Y for tea?"
Steve: "Let's have Y."
Hayley: "Really? Don't you think we should have X?"
Steve: "OK let's have X."
Hayley "Yeah, that's what I thought too. Let's have X."
You can replay this scene in any number of situations and it still works. Shopping, eating out, choosing something for the baby... Not that I mind. In fact it has become a bit of a standing joke between us.

4. Action!

I have finally stopped talking about sorting out all our storage problems and started to do something about it. I have been to the local tip numerous times and have managed to dispense with much "stuff" that we were previously hoarding quite unnecessarily. Furthermore the garage is starting become a place with room to work again as the stuff that can't be tipped accumulates in large stackable crates down one side instead of sprawling across the shelves and floor. The only thing I've been unable to bring myself to dump is my semi-functional combo amp/speakers which I have had since I was 16 and which has been to almost every gig I did during my 20s when I played guitar in numerous bands. It's currently nestled in the corner of the garage. It may yet lose its spot.

Statistics

A couple of weeks ago we got the results of Hayley’s screening test for downs syndrome. Her statistical chance of having an affected child was 1 in 410. This is about average for her age. We read the literature and considered whether a further test was appropriate. But the further test has a 1 in 100 chance of causing a miscarriage. On top of these numbers there are many other figures within the literature to try to clarify the likelihood of the possible outcomes.

We opted to continue without a further test, but I was struck by how confusing the mass of figures can be. I read several booklets and they sometimes gave conflicting figures. Even where they didn’t conflict their context was often vague, e.g. was the figure for all women across all age ranges and if so what was the distribution of ages within that group? I had to read and re-read the information several times before I was sure I had gleaned as much from it as I could. And even then, I was struck by the fact that the odds we were presented with were just that: odds. A measure of our chances in the lottery we’d opted into.

In the end we decided that we should proceed positively and (as Hayley’s GP said to her when she spoke to him about it) enjoy the pregnancy. There are (and will be in future) many possible problems and things that might go wrong. From now on we will have to learn to deal with them as they come along and try not to worry more than is reasonable. Something that I suspect is going to be particularly hard for Hayley, a born worrier!

Baby Mozart

As I type this I am sitting listening to Mozart’s clarinet concerto in A: one of my favourite pieces of music. And judging by the Classic FM “Hall Of Fame” it is the favourite of many other people too as it came in at about number 3.

Apparently babies like Mozart too. It is probably common knowledge by now that listening to Mozart is meant to increase a baby’s IQ by a few points. There are also several CDs of Mozart’s music specifically designed to be played to be babies. Perhaps the bext known of these is "Baby Mozart" from the Baby Einstein company. A visit to Amazon to read reviews of these products reveals parents who swear by them. Stories abound of babies who would normally cry the house down cooing gently as they fall asleep to the sounds of the Viennese genius. This is said to be especially true if they were played the music in the womb, but who knows.

As a bit of a Mozart fan I’ve greatly enjoyed the increased time we’ve had with Mozart playing around the house since his music became a topic of conversation in our house. Last Sunday we spent an idyllic evening lazing on the sofa listening to a CD of Mozart highlights. I don't know whether all 3 of us were listening but it's a nice thought. And I suspect that once our bump becomes our baby such tranquil evenings will fast become a fond memory.

Easter and Hayley's Party Trick

Over Easter we walked up Rivington Pike on Good Friday and went to my Mum’s annual Easter Egg hunt on Easter Sunday. The walk up Rivington on Good Friday is a Lancashire tradition. It is also said to bring good luck if you touch all 4 sides of the pike when you reach the top. (So we did. Well it couldn’t do any harm could it.) Hayley walked up from the highest car park while I rode up the hill from further down, catching up to her near the top.



Behind the hill there was an assortment of stalls, mostly selling food and some with coconut shys and other games offering the chance to win cuddly toys. We had several attempt to win a giant Tigger but without success. We then enjoyed a plate of noodles with vegetables before strolling back down in the sunshine.



There are more pictures from our Good Friday walk here.

The Easter Egg hunt was good fun too. Hayley spent a large part of the afternoon entertaining the 6 - 10 year olds who were in danger doing damage through their keenness to play hide and seek in my Mum’s house. So Hayley pulled off one of her best tricks. She told them she had a game that she thought would be MUCH too hard for them. She then pointed out that two of the kids - the noisiest two – would almost certainly not be able to play it. By this point all the kids were desperate to know what this game was!

“Well”, she said. “When I say ‘Go’, you all have to be completely silent!” At this point I always expect them to suss her out, but they never do. They are allowed to make each other laugh but not to touch each other in the process. They then proceed to silently pull faces at each other. This game can go on for some time and I have to say that in a room full of very rowdy kids Hayley seems like a miracle worker when she gets them to play it for half an hour or so.

Urban Detour Xtreme buggy

Urban Detour Xtreme buggy
Originally uploaded by Steven Townley.

This is the buggy we have chosen. I saw it while out grocery shopping in Somerfield. It looked fantastic and the young baby inside it looked so cosy that when I got home I got straight onto the web to find it.

In one of the reviews I found one father referred to it as "the Porsche of pushchairs". Fortunately it is not priced like a Porsche at Mothercare. It is very adjustable, has pneumatic tyres, turns on a sixpence and looks good to boot!

We went to Mothercare to see it in the flesh and to try pushing it around in the shop. Hayley was as impressed as I was with it and we decided to buy it.

My Mum then kindly offered to buy it for us. We can pay for it now and its warranty won't start until the baby is born. (In case you are wondering what happened to the buggy from Hayley's Dad, he cancelled it as we weren't able to get down to view it.)

I have to admit I've found myself getting as excited about shopping for this buggy as I would previously have been about mountain bikes or musical instruments. But that's not to say that I don't still have my eye one or two of those too. I just might have to share them in future.

Sunday Lunch

It's funny how after more than two years together we are still discovering things about each other.

Today I discovered that suggesting we go out for Sunday lunch is akin to announcing that there'll be an extra Christmas this year just for Hayley. Her eyes lit up and grew to the size of saucers. Then she actually rubbed her hands together completely involuntarily in anticipation like a little girl. "Ooooo roasties! I'm going to have Yorkshire pudding and all the trimmings!" And she hadn't yet got out of bed. After this display I felt rather ashamed that I hadn't suggested this simple pleasure before. We are regulars at our local Indian Restaurant but country pubs usually only see us in cycling gear sneaking into the toilet before leaving without buying a drink, let alone lunch. (OK, we do sometimes stretch to a drink if we have time.)

For the record, the Hare and Hounds at Werneth Low had a mix of smoking and non-smoking rooms and a menu that was both extensive and appetizing. We had 5 courses: an appetizer, starter, main, dessert and coffee.

The rest of the afternoon was spent immobile, slumbering in front of the TV. This evening's meal? A bowl of breakfast cereal each.

This weekend's co-incidences

We just settled on our favoured boy's names (first and middle). Having done so I opened up a pregnancy website on Friday to see its "Baby Of The Month" with exactly the same name.

This morning, completely without explanation, Hayley kept on singing "America" from "West Side Story" (much to her own frustration). This afternoon as we slumped on the sofa we flicked over to FilmFour to find the very same film playing the very same song. Maria if it's a girl then! (Or maybe not.)

Old wives' tales

To lighten the mood this evening (c.f. previous entry) we filled in an online questionnaire that promised to tell us whether we are expecting a boy or a girl. This diagnosis was to be based on the authority of a collection of old wives' tales. Here are the less-than-scientific results taken straight from the website.

"You have a 47% chance of having a boy.
And you have a 52% chance of having a girl.
And Here's Why...
You are carrying the extra weight out front, so it's a boy.
The hair on your legs is not growing any faster during your preganacy, so it's a girl.
Girls are carried high. You are going to have a girl.
Sleeping in a bed with your pillow to the north indicates that you will be having a boy.
Your feet are not colder than they were before pregnancy. You are having a girl.
You prefer the heel of a loaf of bread. You are having a boy.
Dad-to-be is gaining weight right along with Mom-to-be, which means that you'll have a boy.
The maternal grandmother has gray hair, so a boy will be born.
You didn't have morning sickness early in pregnancy, so it will be a boy.
You are not looking particularly good during pregnancy. Therefore, it must be a girl, because girls steal their mother's looks.
Your chest development has been quite dramatic during pregnancy. You should expect a girl.
Since the sum of the mother's age at conception and the number of the month of conception is even, it will be a boy.
A needle on a thread held over your belly moves in circles, so you will have a boy.
Your urine is a dull yellow color, so you will have a girl.
You have a craving for salty or sour foods, which means that it is a boy.
Your nose hasn't changed during pregnancy, which indicates a girl.
You have been craving fruits, so it is a girl.
Your baby's heart rate is 140 or more beats per minute, so it's a girl.
You must have orange juice every day, so it's a girl.
You are having headaches, so it's a boy.
Your belly looks like a watermelon, so it's a girl.
You show them the palm of your hand, so it's a girl.
You use the handle, so it's a boy."

Tough day at the office

The names of the people who are "at risk" of redundancy were announced today and I wasn't one of them. "At risk" is basically HR-speak for saying that you will be made redundant in a month.

But that doesn't mean it was a good day. Far from it. I have watched several colleagues receive the dreaded phone call and then have to make the walk out of the office to go down to HR and receive their written notification from our boss. Most of them came back only briefly as they were offered the rest of the day off.

Worse than witnessing all this, one the engineers who has worked for me for the last 4 years rang me while on holiday to find out whether he was safe. I didn't know but promised to call him as soon as I heard anything. An hour or so later he rang back saying there was no need: our boss had just reached him to tell him he is "at risk".

And on top of all that I have one more thing that leaves me feeling rather sick. There has been a carefully executed assessment process that required all staff in areas that were at risk to be assessed against strict criteria. I was selected to act as one of the board of assessors for a number of staff in our department. I have no doubt that I was as fair as I could possibly be in my assessments whilst at the same time trying to bring out every good quality of the staff I assessed. (God knows I was up 'til the small hours perfecting their assessment forms.) And my input was far from the final word. But at the end of the day I can't help feeling bad that regardless of whether I condemned someone or saved someone (meaning someone else would be condemned), I was still part of the machine that wielded the axe.

Under the circumstances I can't feel sorry for myself, but all in all it's been a horrible day. I've already contacted one former colleague to try to get one person a new job. But as silver linings go that's pretty thin.

New beats, Nu Nus and Nannies

Another day, another mindblowing moment. This time it was at Hayley's 16-week appointment with the midwife when she unexpectedly placed an amplified stethoscope on Hayley's tummy and we heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time.

There can be few things more symbolic of life itself than a heart-beat. The very sound of it was evocative, perhaps even more so than the ultrasound scan. The moment we heard that sound the baby was as real and present in the room as it would have been had it walked through the door (which admittedly was unlikely, although I have just heard Elvis on the radio talking to Steve Wright... I digress.)

The rest of the appointment went well. The student midwife struggled to find a vein in Hayley's arm. Hayley mercilessly teased her and joked around. She was so funny! Really on form. Fortunately I was standing behind the midwives so they didn't see me laughing.

After the appointment we went to Nu Nus nursery near my work. We had a 1 hour tour of the nursery. It was quite impressive. We were alarmed by one thing though. They showed us an example of the daily report that is filled out for each child. The one she showed us was for that day saying how child had had a lovely day. The trouble was it was only 10am and the child had only been there an hour. When Hayley pointed this out the girl blushed and flustered slightly before waffling about re-writing it later if anything changed.

It made me realise that the number one thing you are looking for in a nursery is trust. You are leaving your child with them for hours at a time, several days a week. If you can't trust them you aren't going to do that. So although we've heard good things about Nu Nus we'll be looking around some more.

Oh and it's £693 a month. Strewth! I'm still trying to get my head around that. It has prompted Hayley to consider starting up a child-minding business. It's something she has had an interest in doing for some time. It would allow her to look after our child and still earn some money. But for that we'd need a bigger house. With a potential nursery bill the size of a mortgage my next job is to work out whether we can afford to move at all.