A lonely place

Several people have asked about the nuchal translucency screening we underwent, regarding both the technicalities and the reasons.

So why did we go for this screening? Simple. We wanted to know what we might be faced with. At our age the NHS test doesn't really give you anything like an accurate enough prediction. So we decided to get a clear picture of what we could expect.

And what did we plan to do if the test said we had a Downs baby? We can't possibly answer that question because it's a place we've never been.

I won't pretend it wouldn't have mattered to me. Frankly it would have mattered a lot. The news that your child will never fully develop into a fully independent adult should concern any responsible parent-to-be. I won't claim I know exactly how we would have reacted either because I have never had to face the reality of it.

Of course I'd sound very decent if I said that we would have carried on regardless. But it would be a bit too easy for me to make such a claim when it's only ever been a theoretical possibility. In much the same way that the reality of pregnancy was different to the hypothetical consideration of it, until being faced with that situation I know I won't have considered it as fully and with such urgent importance as I would have to if it was real.

Of course some people will know absolutely what they would do, one way or the other. I can only tip my hat to their unshakeable self-assuredness.

What I do know is that we talked about being prepared for whatever lay ahead. We talked about how we would feel as relatively old parents leaving behind a child that would never grow to full independence. We also talked about all the love we could give to any child no matter what was special or different about them.

All ifs and maybes. The truth is we've never been to that lonely place where we would have to face the alternatives.