The Wedding

It would be impossible to even start to attempt to cover our wedding day in a single post, so I'm afraid you are going to be hearing about it for some time. But here's a summary.

What a fantastic day!

Thanks to everyone who came along and made our wedding day a truly wonderful event and a fantastic party.

And thanks to all those who sent their good wishes by whatever medium.

Until I get time to reflect on it all, here's a rough timeline of some of the highlights of the day.

6.30am. Lucy wakes me with her customary shouts of "Dadddddyyyyy. I want get up!"

8.00am. The weather, which has been forecast as cloud for the last few days is now looking like we may get a little sun too. My delight is tinged with guilt, as I think of all those people getting married in Wales today where it will rain.

8.30am. As I take Oliver's waistcoat out of its bag to check it, a button drops off. The button is broken. I hasten to town where the outfitters supply a spare button. Then to Somerfield for a sewing kit. Marcy and then Zoe (Hayley's hairdresser) stitch on the new button and tighten up the loose stitching on the others.

10.00am. I am kicked out of the house by Hayley as she is about to start having her hair and make-up done. I am now in such a rush I nearly leave without Oliver!

10.30am. Down at Manny and Sara's house to change, I realise I forgot my shoes and Oliver's shoes. Best Man Dave is re-directed on route to pick them up.

11.00am. I get myself and Oliver dressed, Oliver also being helped by Dave. Oliver looks absolutely stunning in his wedding clothes. Dashing and adorable. I fear Hayley might cry when she sees him.

11.35am. The groom, best man and best boy set of for the hotel. Despite the fact we've all been there before and Dave lived near the hotel, we soon realise that none of us know the right route. We head in the generally right direction and sure enough we get there in good time.

12.20pm. Checked into our room, where the double bed is flanked by a travel cot for Lucy and a mattress on the floor for Oliver. It may be our wedding night but appropriately, as it has been for 99.9% of our life together, the kids are there alongside us.

12.30pm. Our photographer arrives and we take some shots of me, Dave and Oliver. Dave and I enjoy a swift whisky (a 12 year old Glenfiddich, the best on offer in the little Gold Suite bar). More photos and more people arriving.

13.10 At a loose end, so a last swift one before the bride arrives.

13.15. No sign of the bride. I discover that one of the flower girls has not arrived. Hayley, it later transpires, drove past and saw no-one was in the main room, so drove round again, eventually sending someone in to make everyone take their places.

13.25. Hayley has arrived and been photographed and is about to enter when the final flower girl, Cara, arrives.

13.35. Still no Hayley but I can see she has arrived as part of the wedding car is visible from my position at the front. I feel, as I have all day, perfectly calm and happy. Not at all nervous. People have told me how they cried and choked and were nervous but I am confident I will keep it together.

13.36. I take my place as the curtain is pulled back to reveal Hayley looking stunning, Oliver holding her hand and the flower girls in front of them, Lucy at the front looking small and slightly vulnerable with the cutest curls you ever saw. Suddenly a massive tidal wave of love for my family nearly overwhelms me and I have to look to the front for a few seconds as my calm nearly desserts me and I think I might cry!

13.36. Recovered from my momentary wobble, as the pianist starts to play Bach's Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring, I turn round to see Lucy start to walk in on cue, taking a few beautiful smiling steps with Cara, before turning round and running back to Mummy. So the other flower girls lead in, followed by Hayley who now has Oliver on one hand and Lucy on the other.

13.37 Hayley stands beside me for the short ceremony. Lucy spends some of the time in Hayley's arms, some in mine. Oliver delivers the rings on request without hesitation, giving his Mummy a lovely unprompted hug after giving her ring to her. Becky reads "Yes I'll Marry You" by Pam Ayres and Scott reads "I rely on you" by Hovis Presley. On reaching the 'I do' part, Hayley makes it "I certainly do!" with a big smile. We exit to Mendelssohn's wedding march and a glass of champagne which we drink with arms entwined. And the formalities are over.

2.00pm. There are lots of pictures with the photographer outside where the sun is shining: possibly the most beautiful day of the summer! Then it's free time as they set up for the meal. We mingle and chat outside, playing with the kids who have lots of fun in the gardens and down by the bridge over the little River Dean where two escaped horses are grazing: the highlight of the day for the kids without a doubt. I initiate a game of pooh sticks with Oliver and the flower girls. The first I've played with him.

3.30pm. We are announced into the dining room for the wedding breakfast. The atmosphere is good and the seating plan seems to be working. Oliver is tired and a bit grouchy but manages to recover his cheeriness by the end of the meal.

5.20pm. Speeches. Nigel makes a well-rehearsed (if a little long-winded!) and eloquent speech which touches upon the absence of Hayley's Dad. He also makes several jokes based on entirely fictional scenarios involving me and Hayley. But apparently everyone could tell they were untrue from the looks on our faces! I reply with a short speech thanking the flower girls and best man and of course Hayley. I also give my Mum flowers for her help and her birthday the next day. I take the opportunity to tease Hayley in the speech with extracts from her Match.com profile. Dave then gives a perfect Best Man's speech. It is by turns respectful, generous, funny, witty and occasionally suitably risque. He is aided by having placed pictures of me aged three upwards at every table. Finally a few of Hayley's friends shout for her to speak, so she does. Un-rehearsed, she says how grateful she is to everyone for coming and how touched she is to see so many people from her past. Finally, as she start to choke up a little herself, she says that her dreams have come true. It is the most honest and perhaps for that reason the best speech of the day and several of Hayley's friends are in tears by this point.

6.30pm. The band arrive and start to set up while we mill around and relax outside in the evening sunshine.

7.45pm Hayley puts a tired Lucy to bed.

8.40pm. First dance. "This Way" by Jewel.

8.45. The band kick off with Soul Man. They sound fantastic and the dance-floor quickly fills.

9.45pm. Food. Not entirely as ordered and difficult for the veggies to identify but most seem to find something to tuck into. Hayley is caught on camera eating a chicken leg as she boogies away.

10.25. Band back on.

10.30. I go to put Oliver to bed. Lucy is woken in the process and won't settle. I miss the whole of the second set as a result and return to the reception with Lucy still not settled but with the babysitter trying to settle her! It is the only low point of the day. Thankfully, just as Hayley and I are about to desert our reception to sort it out, our babysitter appears on her way home, saying my Mum is with Lucy and she's better. Sadly by this point I have missed the chance to chat to several people before they leave. I guess it's always the way at weddings (not helped by this little interruption).

11.30pm. Much dancing and drinking and chatting and eating. Several people are leaving or have left to put kids to bed, but the party is still in full swing.

1.00am. The final song is New York, New York and everyone pushes me and Hayley to the middle and dances round us. It's a great finale to a wonderful evening that has flown by all too fast.

Several of us stay up chatting and finally head off to our rooms around 2am.

I'll be posting photos and reflecting more on this in the coming days and weeks. The journey has only just begun.

Invitations and stationary

As we enter 2009 we can now say "we are getting married this year". Still sounds a bit strange. And when I think how quickly time has flown since I proposed last August, it is scary how little time we have left.

With the new year Hayley has been prompted into action. She has ordered some samples of wedding stationary. Seven kinds in fact. "They were only £5 P&P" she said. "£5 each?!?!" I asked, trying to re-start my heart. "No, in total." Of course. I knew that.

Desmond James Rodgers (1933 - 2008)

Grampy Des with Oliver and Lucy, September 2007

It is with the greatest sadness that I have to write that after a short illness Hayley's Dad died on Tuesday.

About three weeks ago he was admitted to hospital with relatively little concern. However tests revealed that he had advanced lung cancer with secondary tumors.

For the last few weeks we have spent much of our time down in Wiltshire so that Hayley could visit her Dad as often as possible. Some relatives were kind enough to let us have their house as long as we need it.

On the Wednesday before he passed away, Des, his partner Nancy, Hayley and myself took part in a service at the hospital chapel which was attended by about a dozen other close family members. In the service the vicar blessed and gave thanks for the relationship of Des and Nancy. She then blessed our upcoming marriage and blessed Hayley's engagement ring and a ring I chose for the occasion. Finally she performed what would normally be the first part of the wedding ceremony which is to ask who gives Hayley away to me. When she asked, Hayley's Dad said loud and clear "her father does". He then passed Hayley's hand to mine.

It was an emotional occasion, a mixture of immense sadness but also happiness and gratitude that we were able to fulfill our dear wish that Des should give Hayley away.

In the final days Des just wanted to come home from hospital, but sadly he died the day before he was due to be moved. He died around breakfast time just as Hayley was dropping off the kids to go and see him. Agonising though it was for her that no-one was there with him, he did not suffer and it seems he died peacefully.

Hayley was always close to her Dad, the apple of his eye. At Lucy's Christening my Mum told Des how glad she was that I had found someone who made me so happy and who was a wonderful mother to her grandchildren. He simply said "She's the best." I couldn't agree with him more. Des was a friendly, jovial and kind man who has passed all these qualities on to Hayley. He can never be replaced, but I will do my best to love and cherish his daughter who he has passed into my care.

An announcement

Every so often, someone will ask Hayley "How did you and Steve meet?", probably expecting a succinct "through friends" or "at a party". Instead they get the following story. Settle back now, this could take a while.

Back in 2002 Hayley was living out in the USA. She had a serious car accident that left her hospital bound for several months. This came on the back of a traumatic family bereavement and then on returning from the funeral being laid off from her IT job. After a decade on the other side of the pond, she decided that perhaps the time had come to return home.

With the intention of making friends and possibly meeting Mr Right, she registered on Match.com. It was there that I came across her winning smile for the first time and dropped her a line.



The first she saw of me was a picture taken on a weekend camping trip to the Lake District. I was sitting drinking a beer in The Bridge Inn, Santon Bridge.



When she came back to the UK we met up. She was out on the town with three girl-friends and invited me along. How could I refuse! She and I hit it off straight away and after a few months of us traveling up and down the M5 at weekends she moved to Stockport.

Five years, one house and two children later, here we are! Blessed with our children, family and friends.

So I decided it was time we added another chapter to the story. This weekend, I took Hayley up to the Bridge Inn for a rare weekend away without the kids. Little did she know I what I was plotting as we dined in the hotel restaurant before moving into the bar to sit in the very spot where the photo of me was taken.

"Look at me sitting right up next to you" she said. "If I get any closer I'll push you onto the floor".
"You don't want to do that. I might land on one knee".
"Oh I'll definitely push you off then!" she laughed.
Grinning and in quiet tones I went on. "Hayley, there's something I want to ask you."
Hayley is giggling. "Stop messing about."
"What's this in my pocket?" The shape of a small ring-sized box was clear enough. Hayley is laughing nervously, uncontrollably, punching me (playfully!) and saying, "What! What is it?"
I took out the ring in its box.
Hayley is now starting to fill up and saying "Oh my God, Oh my God...".
I got down on one knee , opened the box towards her and asked: "Will you marry me?"
Through her tears I could just about make out "Yes, of course", as she gave me a huge hug. I can safely say she hadn't seen this coming at all. Amazingly the other people in the pub didn't seem to notice us either!

After she had recovered her composure I was able to confess to her that the "parcel of bike parts" that was delivered FedEx earlier in the week, and which she had signed for, had in fact been her engagement ring. Fortunately she hadn't noticed BlueNile.co.uk" in the small print on the label. She sat there in semi-disbelief, looking at the ring with the biggest grin on her face for the rest of the evening, occasionally telling some complete stranger in the bar, "we just got engaged!"

The next morning we told the hotel's proprieter our story and she kindly gave us a bottle of wine to celebrate. She also made us re-construct the moment for the camera in the somewhat more deserted bar at 11am on a Sunday morning.



So there's the potted history. But be warned, if you ask for Hayley's version, you'd better clear your calendar for the rest of the day.