Guardian | Being youngest in class is risk to mental health

Being youngest in class is risk to mental health

If Bump appears tomorrow (s)he will be the youngest in their class at school. If not, they'll be one of the oldest in their class. Thus far, despite our encouragement of Bump to appear now that they have reached full term, we have tried not to get too hung up about the exact date (s)he is born as it is almost certainly beyond our control (as our recent experience has shown).

But now that it seems almost certain that an August birthday is off the cards and September is on, I thought I'd look at what difference it really makes.

The only recent research I have found on the subject is this piece from last year which seems to show that being the youngest in class is potentially disadvantageous.

In contrast, I also found anecdotal evidence that the oldest children in the class can become stressed because they are bored and under-stimulated.

Having said all that, the exact age is far from the only influence on development. All we can do is try to bear it in mind and handle it when the time comes.

BBC NEWS | England | Beds/Bucks/Herts | 'Special' baby grew outside womb

BBC NEWS | England | Beds/Bucks/Herts | 'Special' baby grew outside womb

You can't beat a good pun in my book, but perhaps calling your child "Millie-An" because they are "one in a million" is taking things a bit far.

BBC NEWS | England | Tyne | Killers 'knew of crying baby boy'

Killers 'knew of crying baby boy'

Many is the day that I find myself assessing how well I have prepared myself for fatherhood. I wonder to myself what the right approach will be in any given situation. I try to measure myself in terms of the qualities that a parent should have: humanity, patience, compassion, resilience and obviously love.

Then I read a story like this and I realise that the scale of human behaviour extends far beyond what I would normally imagine. I can only echo the words of the police officer in charge of investigating this case: "it is difficult to comprehend the wickedness of someone who could do such a thing...".

The girl who cried wolf?

Five days overdue and Hayley is currently sitting on the sofa eating (more) fresh pineapple. She put even more fresh chillies in the left over chilli from last night but it has had no effect so far.

Yesterday we took our minds off the wait for a couple of hours when a friend tipped us off that there was a motor-bike show in Stockport. You can download a tiny video clip of Hayley and said friend (Donna) looking daft while getting down to one of the rock bands by clicking here (it's 1.1 MB, only 3 seconds long, and it's on its side!).

Then we came home to find that England had gone from a winning position in the 4th cricket test against Australia - needing only 128 runs in their second innings - to a perilous 118 for 7! We watched the nail-biting finish and to our relief (even more than delight) England scraped home with three wickets to spare. As one commentator said this morning, this series should have come with a health warning. You'd think the excitement might persuade Bump to come out, but it seems he/she is not a cricket fan.

Today Hayley went for another swim at Esporta (her gym) and did 34 lengths (though it is admittedly quite a short pool). She also performed a vigorous run through of her aqua-natal routine. Through sheer co-incidence the reception staff there called home when she was on her way there. We got talking about the pregnancy and the girl on the other end became excitedly worried when I told her that Hayley might even go into labour while at the gym that very afternoon. Of course I had to phone Hayley and tell her this. When she arrived she faked the start of contractions as she approached the front desk, just to see the look on the girl's face. She's ever so good at these sorts of practical jokes and it seems they were completely taken in. Fortunately they all saw the funny side when she desisted in her amateur dramatics, but one of the staff was dead right when she gasped "Oooohhh, you're evil!".

Vindaloo

Last night we finally took the plunge. We went to our favourite Indian Restaurant, the Heatons Tandoori, with two intentions: to continue our mini holiday and to order something hot for Hayley that might kick-start labour.

M (our midwife) told us that this works because it causes an upset tummy, the close proximity of which to the uterus causes contractions to start. (OK, I am paraphrasing but you get the picture, hopefully.)

Hayley ordered a vindaloo. The hottest meal on the menu. I only ordered a vegetable rogan josh as I didn't think both of us driving to hospital with diarrhea was a good idea.

The owner came over to say hello and we told him what we were up to. He rolled his eyes and smiled as he recalled having to call an ambulance for a woman who went into labour in the restaurant.

When Hayley started on her vindaloo she immediately decided it was "not very hot". She can eat pretty spicy food but I was surprised that the hottest offering on an Indian restaurant menu could be dismissed as so lightweight.

It's now Sunday morning and all she's had to show for her dietary daring is night-long heartburn.

Looks like we'll be cooking up her very hot chili tonight then.

Come out, come out, whoever you are!

We just spent a couple of days in the Peak District to relax and stop us feeling like we are just waiting around for Bump to appear. Regardless of how well we knew Hayley could go beyond her due date, it is still a frustrating experience, more so for Hayley than for me as her discomforts continue longer than she'd hoped.

Before driving to the Peaks in the afternoon, we attended Hayley's latest midwife appointment with M. She sympathised with Hayley's impatience whilst also pointing out she was only a day overdue and that in all likelihood nature would take its course at some point in the next week or so. The baby's heartbeat was 148bpm and (s)he appears to be lying on Hayley's right side: not ideal but at least (s)he is head down, very low down in fact according to M's examination.

So how do we persuade Bump to get moving? M said that eating pineapple can help as it contains a substance that softens the cervix. As I understand it, this facilitates its effacement and dilation. It is the same substance that is contained in semen, which is why having sex can help. But none of these techniques come with any guarantees.

We stayed at the Crewe and Harpur Arms in Longnor (location for the filming of Peak Practice). The pub was recently stylishly renovated by new owners to provide luxury accommodation that contrasts with the comfortable but more functional accommodation elsewhere in the village. Our room had a large bath, multi-head shower (that was about as easy to set up as your average Personal Computer), Sky TV, wireless internet access and a huge super king sized bed. I watched the cricket lying on the bed while Hayley wrote a quick blog entry before luxuriating in a nice bubble-filled bath.

We ate in our hotel before taking a walk around the village which is tiny but has four pubs. We walked 50 yards up the road to the Cheshire Cheese pub. I stayed there way back in about 1988 with two friends from work when we decided to spend a weekend drinking and walking in equal measure. The barman - the husband of the current landlady - told us that it had been through difficult days before she took over 18 months ago. It certainly looks the epitome of a thriving village pub now with a healthy number of diners. (In fact we got peckish and ordered some profiteroles with hot chocolate sauce while we were there.)

We got chatting to a family in the bar who took an interest in Hayley's obvious bump. The mother had given birth to two of her children in Stepping Hill Hospital. We ended up telling her our probable names for the baby. It's the first time we have broken our self-imposed silence and told someone, but as we are almost certainly never going to see them again it seemed ridiculous not to do so. She really liked the names which was very nice as the first reaction we've received.

As one family made their way to the door the barman did some card tricks for them before stealing the watch from one of them. It turns out he is a professional magician who has won many competitions for his close magic including 3rd place in the British close magic championships which included a performance before an audience of his peers with two close cameras projected onto large screens. No pressure then! He told us he does many functions including Christenings which sounds a great idea. Being a professional he charges professional prices but it could well be worth it.

Today we drove over to Bakewell where I went for a short mountain-bike ride over the hills to Chatsworth while Hayley fed the ducks and took a stroll around Bakewell for more Bakewell Tart. We finished our little sojourn in the Peak District with a trip to the Old Post Office and Tea Shop in Edensor where we enjoyed some of the best cream of mushroom soup we've ever tasted and I indulged in a cream tea.

On returning to Stockport we collapsed into bed for a nap. All this pineapple eating can be exhausting you know.

Neighbours

As our stay away was so short we didn't think to mention to our neighbours that we were going away. When we got back Paul (left-hand neighbour) accosted us as we unpacked the car to ask whether our disappearance had been to hospital. A bit later Sue (right-hand neighbour) came home and asked whether there were any developments. "I saw the car had gone overnight and I thought 'this is it'".

It's nice that they are interested and even enthusiastic about our new arrival. I just hope that when the baby arrives the walls are thick enough to prevent their friendly enthusiasm from being rapidly diminished by involuntary sleep deprivation.

Sing along now

"I just don't know what to do with myself". Hayley has been singing it all evening. Just about sums up how she feels.

But tomorrow that will all change because we are going away for the night, staying in a small village the Peak District. Hayley was offered the choice of a cottage with a log fire or a room in the pub with 30" flat-screen TV, Sky Digital, wireless internet connection and a large bath. No contest!

It's less than an hour's drive from the hospital so if things start to happen we should be able to get there in time. Having said that, a colleague told me today that his wife gave birth in less than an hour. Panic? Me?

D-Day looming

In just over an hour we will be into Bump's due date. Bump is moving from time to time and Hayley has felt some pains that we think are the baby's head low down. But there are no signs at the moment of labour starting. We've already tried to counteract the sense of anti-climax if the day passes without any change by telling ourselves in advance that Bump will more probably arrive this Bank Holiday weekend.

Realistically we know we could have a longer wait and may eventaully have to accept the possibility of inducement. But there are a few theories as to how we could speed up the process. We've bought (but not yet opened) Raspberry Leaf tea and can easily cook up a hot curry, both of which are rumoured to have the desired effect. Today a friend of ours offered to bring round a mini trampoline and a vindaloo!

The midwives tend to dismiss these old wives' tales as having little guarantee of success. The one method of starting things off that they do agree has a chance of working is probably the one that (ironically) Hayley least desires in her current large and uncomfortable condition: sex! Better put the kettle on then.... (where's that Raspberry Leaf tea).

What's that in the background

When looking at old photographs I look immediately at the subject, usually in the foreground. But what is often as interesting in them is the background details that betray the era in which the snapshot was taken. The old car, the out-dated furniture, the hairstyles...

It struck me today that this blog is a literary snapshot of life for Hayley and me today in 2005, the foreground subject being the pregnancy. But in terms of a snapshot there is no background, just blank space. So I thought I should take this opportunity, on the day before Bump is due to arrive, to detail some background details that may just be as interesting in 2025 as they are uninteresting in 2005. So...

My commute
I cycle 3 miles to work every day on my bike, alongside the motorway, then the River Mersey, turning then onto a disused road that used to be a council estate, before crossing grass and a main road to cut through Morrisons Supermarket. Once I have taken my life in my hands to cross the mini roundabout that follows it's only half a mile of straight road to work. My vehicle is my 2001 Orange 'Sub 5' mountain bike with Marzocchi forks (80mm of travel) and Fox air shock. I love this ride to work in the morning summer sunshine (and even the rain). And I love the ride home even more. All the stresses of the working day are out of my system by the time I reach home. I timed myself riding home today. I pedalled as fast as I could and it took me 9 minutes 34 seconds. Some people in my office drive at least an hour each way every day!

Hair
My hair is still there but threatening to recede more quickly than it has previously. I have very little grey. Hayley's hair is her natural colour with some red streaks ("foils"). She has very little grey. It would be impolite to comment whether or not this is thanks to assistance from her salon, The Colour Room in Stockport.

Cars
I'm driving an L reg (11 year old) Volvo 440 1.8i. It is the workhorse of the household and has mostly seen the road between here and the tip recently with occasional trips into the Peak District to go mountain biking. Hayley's car is a black Renault Clio (5 years old). It's permanently fitted with our bike racks even though we hardly ever take the bikes anywhere at the moment.

Sport
I have my season ticket at Man Utd and last season Hayley went to lots of the games too. Malcolm Glazer has just bought the club and frankly it doesn't look like good news financially. We'll see. England are at 1-1 in the Ashes series against Australia with two tests left to play. They narrowly missed out on a win in the last test. Lancashire's Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff is the hero of the team. Hayley and I
even briefly discussed Freddie as a possible boy's name!

Politics
This is worth a whole blog entry (or blog) of its own, but it suffices to say that the suicide attacks by British suicide bombers on 7th July have dominated the whole news and political agenda for the last 6 weeks and are likely to do so for at least the rest of the year.

Entertainment
For some reason Ant and Dec are the number one choice as hosts of prime-time Saturday night TV shows. The biggest comedy TV show at the moment is Ricky Gervais' follow-up to "The Office": "Extras". The 6th(?) series of Big Brother has just finished. Unlike other years I barely watched it. It's become very old and really very down-market now. I wonder what depths reality TV can plumb before it improves (if it ever does). One of The Archers' current storyline is about the fact that Will Grundy's wife has given birth to his brother's child but Will thinks its his own. I wonder if that story line will run a few weeks or a few years before the beans are spilled.

Music
Where to start! I'll ignore the charts and mention what I'm listening to on my Apple mini iPod at the moment: Beth Nielsen Chapman; Embrace; whatever comes up! Hayley is singing along to lots of things. (In other words, she can't think of anything in particular.)

I may add to this list later. Feel free to send in your suggestions for trivia worth recording for posterity!

Twinges

Hayley has had some pains "like period pains" today and also a slight back ache. But these have not developed into labour as we thought they might a few hours ago. We're still waiting.

Hayley has spent much of today intermittently talking to Bump, asking him/her whether they would like to come out now please. Her left leg is painful much of the time and her left calf muscle is permanently tight. Her feet were only marginally less swollen after she went for a swim this afternoon. It's safe to say that she'd like Bump to join us as soon as possible.

He's having a baby (apparently)

I've not quite worked out what to make of this yet. "He's Having a Baby" is a new programme on BBC1, (just) pre-prime time on Saturday evening, which follows the journey of a number of first-time fathers-to-be as they approach their baby's birth.

It is interesting that the programme makers have decided to focus on the Dad's experience. I should think this is a good thing right? But it seems a bit contrived, because there is no getting round the fact that the man's role is important but entirely secondary during pregnancy.

We only caught the last 15 minutes of tonight's show, but it was quite entertaining viewing if only for the fact that Davina McCall so genuinely loves the subject and becomes genuinely excited about the couples on the show. She's perfect to host it and really made us laugh (even if it's not exactly meant to be comedy!).

Whether or not this is really what the rest of the nation wants to see I'm not at all sure. I suspect it's just another reality TV filler that will last one series only, but maybe that's not a bad thing. There are a zillion other parenting and pregnancy shows on various satellite channels.

One thing the arrival of this show does demonstrate (regardless of how contrived it might be) is that the father's role is being treated as less peripheral nowadays. Politically it is something of a hot potato. Hot enough for a show like this to be taken so seriously that it has reached the Saturday evening schedule. We probably have groups such as Fathers For Justice to thank for this, but that's a whole other blog.

"He's Having a Baby" is on BBC1 (6.35pm, Saturday) and BBC Three (8.30pm, Monday to Friday evenings).

Time-saving techniques for new fathers

Selfish though it may sound, one of the nice things about Hayley needing to be less active and rest up is that I get to play the chef a bit more. Tonight I cooked Fajitas, tomorrow I'm planning a chic pea curry. (I'm sure Hayley would quite like it to be a hot one to encourage Bump to get moving, but we have agreed to try to let nature just take its course at least until the due date.)

This casual culinary creativity is a small pleasure but one I really enjoy. But once the baby arrives and Hayley is breast-feeding him/her, my time is more likely to be dominated by more mundane tasks with nappies and clothes centre-stage. So it was opportune that tonight my friend Scott sent me a link to this site: www.fold-your-shirt.com. It's well worth a visit for new fathers or anyone else who has to spend time folding up t-shirts. It shows you how to fold a t-shirt in 2 seconds. And it works!

Braxton Hicks

Last night in bed (and again this morning) Hayley was getting Braxton Hicks contractions. Maybe it is a sign that we are getting close to the event?!

I'm glad to say she hasn't suffered any more from the strain she felt last night.

Super Nannies

Tonight as I left work a colleague recommended a TV programme to me. "Supernanny. Of all the nanny programmes, that's the one that gives the best advice."

There has been a spate of these programmes: "Supernanny", "Little Angels", "Nanny 911"... all trying to help parents take back control of their children. They have heralded the entrance of an heroic parade of new arbiters in the world of parenting, telling us exactly how to bring harmony and smiles where previously there were tears and tantrums.

Watching these programmes I am always surprised by how easily parents cave in to their children's demands, thus undermining their own authority by failing to stick to their own rules. Worse still, in doing so they often undermine their partner by backtracking on their decisions, thus contributing to antipathy and discord between the adults. Of course I'll be falling into these traps myself at some point, I have no doubt. But it's frightening to see how some children can twist their parents around their fingers and play them off against each other.

Hayley spent several years working as a Nanny in the States and many of the techniques employed by Dr Tanya and Co. are strategies I know she has used herself. I'm glad to say we seem to agree on how to deal with the situations we see in the programmes which is probably half the battle. Without being complacent we feel we have made a good effort to think about what lies ahead and how we will handle it. Only time will tell whether this turns out to be well founded optimism or clueless naivety.